This Is What My Heart Looks Like
by NeverHadDreams
Summary: Just a little story about Renesmee. The Cullens are about to play a baseball game against their toughest competitors...


**Renesmee Point of View:**

If I had to show you what my heart looked like, it wouldn't be alive and beating. It wouldn't even be pink, as far as I'm concerned. After ten years with my family, human in more ways than one, I wouldn't go back on anything.

See, I think my heart would be the purple of an inky twilight. Twilight was my favorite time of day; it's when I caught up with the people who mattered most to me. It would be hard and cold, but not in a bad way. In a great way. It would be my grandpa's ever youthful smile and his expressive voice as he told me a story about someone in the family... My grandma's, the only human food I would eat; amazing peanut butter cookies. It would be Alice's mirror, her reflection nearly the same height as mine. The pull, my favorite feel in the world, of Jasper's sinewy muscles as he ran with me to play baseball. It would be my Uncle Emmett's voice as he tried to explain that my parent's needed alone time, never forgetting his suggestive wink. It would be Rosalie's look of joy when she saw me... But most of all, it would be my dad's voice right before I went to bed, telling a story in a velvet, rich, beautiful tone. Or my mom's voice as she hummed our Lullaby.

I needed a bigger heart.

But right now, as I rode on Jasper's back, hands clasped tightly, though not enough to hurt him in front of his throat, I would have given anything to never leave this moment. See, Jasper ran in a wonderful, smooth manner that I knew Alice could mime. I had the pull of his muscles down to a science. First his upper back, it would heave forward with his arms. Then his middle back twisting to avoid something in our way. Then his lower back, bending lower to pick up more speed. Sinewy and lovely, I wanted to be able to run like Jasper did.

"Renesmee." I turned my head to better hear Alice's sing song voice. She knew how I loved Jasper. He was my favorite Uncle, though I knew it was unfair. Here was the thing though: Jasper _knew _me. When no one else, not even Jake, understood, I went to Jasper, because it was pointless to hide things that can't be hidden. So, Jasper and I have acquired a unique relationship. He listened to me, I listened to him. He usually talked about everything. Poor Jasper, his days were filled with bad feelings towards people. But, then, when Alice came into the conversation, his eyes would light up, and I would find myself inexplicably happy. Like, I had no idea why, but I wanted to jump up and down happy. There was also an out pouring of love. They were so lucky, Alice and Jasper. "How is hugging my husband?" Alice teased in a light tone; her smile totally down played her mock mean expression.

I laughed, pulling my arms around him tighter and laying my cheek on his back. "Fun!" I replied, sticking out my tongue. I planted a kiss in the blond hair that adorned his head. "Jasper and I are great friends."

Alice laughed. "I bet you are." Then Alice took off for the field.

Jasper turned back to look at me. "Love you too, Rina." His own nick name for me. And I would never tell a soul, but I loved this nick name fervently. It meant the world to me that he loved me enough to give me a nickname. I brushed a kiss against his cheek, giggling when he pressed a kiss to the palm of my hand. "We are here, my lady."

Jasper slowed to a walk as we entered the huge clearing. I loved the chaos before a baseball game. Emmett and Rosalie would always be in the far end of the clearing, Emmett batting with a steel thing. Alice would be on the mound and Jasper would be in a crouch, occasionally throwing a wink my way. Grandma and Grandpa, though everyone else called them Carlisle and Esme, I liked calling them grandma and grandpa, it was worth it to see their eyes light up, would be off in a corner, finally getting a moments peace and talking about nothing with their mouths, but everything with their eyes. Mom and Dad would be in the center of the chaos, right where they belonged, rolling around on the grass and playing catch in a light hearted childish manner.

"Nessie!" Emmett's arms were around me in an instant, his face smothering mine with kisses. "Oh my wonderful niece!" He cooed.

I swatted at the chocolate bristle on his head, calling him a stupid vampire. "Don't you dare, Emmett." I crossed my arms and tried out a serious expression.

Emmett, that big dummy, had the audacity to smile. "What ever is the matter?"

"_Everyone in_!" I called in a high, clear voice. Emmett put me on a rocky out cropping above everyone's head. Bella and Edward were first. Then came grandma and grandpa. I gave them a smile and a wave. Then Alice and Jasper. Finally, she walked. Rosalie would be there in all of her shocking beauty. "Shirts and skins," I announced in a loud voice. Emmett, ever the charmer, cheered, and then ripped his shirt off. Carlisle's fingers deftly undid his buttons at top speed; he shrugged out of his work shirt. That was one thing I could get used to: having an ever youthful, ever beautiful family for eternity. Some times, I thought maybe I didn't deserve this. Other people had to deal with death and hatred, we did, just not in the family, but one glance at them, and my mind would be made up. Jasper pulled a black shirt over his head with a smile on his face. Dad stuck his tounge out at me. "We have even teams now." I reasoned with him. His blue shirt was off.

I took them in with a single, sweeping glance. Four of the most perfect, loving, amazing people in the world stood before me, and I firmly believed that. Maybe we weren't totally human, so what? We were more human than some humans I knew. There was Carlisle, compassionate and a leader, beautiful for all of the years he had seen. His blond hair fell into his eyes, and I knew immediately who Esme loved. Jasper: tall and pale, lovely in the gray light that played off of the rain clouds. Emmett: shorts and cockiness aside, he was amazing, and I loved his lightheartedness. Now, my dad. Bronze haired, I absentmindedly twirled a finger through my own bronze tresses. He really was all of the perfect mom gave him credit for.

"Ladies." I threw the four uniforms into four waiting hands. Mom, pulling in on with a smile, for I knew she felt at home with this family. Alice suggestively glanced at Jasper, and then shrugged it on over a lace bra. Esme yanked it on with a slight glance to Carlisle. God, they were so in love. They still acted as if everyday was a first. A first kiss. A first love. A first word. Then Rosalie, who pulled her shirt on over he other shirt with a wink at me. "Coin toss." I announced to Emmett. He tossed a quarter at me, effortlessly flipping the coin in a circular motion. Emmett was amazing at this too. The spinning silver caught my attention unlike anything, but Jasper, could. It was... mesmerizing to watch colors and such play off the smooth silver. I turned to Alice and my Dad who were making faces at each other. "No peeking." I demanded of Alice.

She nodded like a sullen puppy, casting a sidelong glance at Edward. "Heads or Tails?"

The game was almost over... or at least my family's practice for the real game. I watched, with rapt attention as Carlisle's shirtless form traveled around the bases. When he reached home, he pumped a triumphant fist into the air and ran over to me. His physique, ever perfect, still made me stare. I squealed in shock when he picked me up, only to pepper my face with his butterfly kisses. "Rina." Alright, so Jasper and Carlisle, both mine, both lovely in their own ways, used that nick name.

I placed a kiss on his strong jawline, waving over Esme. "Grandpa, Grandma."

Esme placed herself on Carlisle's back, grinning wickedly as her hands expertly picked out all of his sensitive spots. Watching them, I felt like a third wheel. Their love was so... not obvious, but intimate at the same time. Their love was like a sunrise. Beautiful and mysterious in its own way, but present for the beginning of each new day, each new chapter in anything. "My Rene." Esme's palm touched my cheek.

"How are you?" Carlisle asked. I could hear everyone else begin to talk to our competitors for the weekly game, and surprised myself by staying in a set of arms that made me feel about a week old again. There was comfort, for me, in feeling young again. I hadn't had time to be young. I was already almost five months old my first day. I liked feeling helpless, sometimes feeling so utterly _un-_helpless made me feel... masculine, in a way. It made me feel grown and old. I hated it. Even though I was maturely aged, I had breasts, and was mature in all other ways, I loved feeling small again.

I placed a kiss on his neck. "I'm great." I replied sincerely, casting a side long glance at both of them. This glance, I knew, warned them both. I added the warning by placing my hands against each face. And then I began sifting.

My memories, and other's memories that I had stored, were like videos that had been paused. Then, it was as if an invisible hand had deposited them in stacks in an 'in' bin. I put them into categories, and currently, I wandered down to the Carlisle and Esme stack. Carefully extracting a memory, I played it to both of them.

It was of them, of course. Carlisle murmured an almost silent I love you. Esme said nothing, just planted a sweet kiss that rapidly turned searing, against his lips.

As I walked away, I had this insane notion that they wouldn't be playing this game...

I continued my way across the field, clearly focused on one, hulking, seven foot, form. My feet seemed to move me faster the closer I got to him. Something about the way that _she _stood close to him, made a hot pin prick of jealously sit inside of my head. She, Leah, had a little crush on _my_ Jacob.

And it wasn't as if I'd made the conscious decision to make him mine. It had just been that way. We had grown together like tree roots. "Hey." I whispered. I didn't really mind that my family and the whole wolf pack was watching as I hoisted myself to wrap around his body. His strong hands came to rest on my neck, gently running his thumbs across my cheekbones. Peace. For the first time all day, my mind wasn't trying to make some insane calculation and I wasn't worried about appearing normal at school. I sighed, closing my eyes, perfectly content with this. "Jacob..."

"Nessie." He murmured. I could feel his lips close to mine, I could feel his strong heart beat under one hand. "How are you, beautiful?"

I smiled, feeling Jake's hands twist into my hair. His powerful legs began the job of walking us into the forest. When we found our tree, Jake pressed me against the tree. His lips began pushing against my neck in a fervent manner, my mind going completely fuzzy under his ministrations. For the first time in my life, I totally understood Mom and Dad. How crazy they were about each other. How, if I went over to the cottage too early, I would find them, going at it like rabbits in some room. "I'm... Oh..." I murmured as I felt his lips slide a tiny bit into the cleavage of my shirt. "Jake..." I groaned. My hands gently yanked on his black, cropped hair. When I saw his face, he looked so utterly... sexy, that my mouth was literally straining to be on his. "I love you."

"Yeah, yeah." Jake murmured. I was a teeny hurt. That changed in an instant though. He opened his absurdly wonderful eyes, and they burnt a hole right through my body. "I love you too."

I lowered my lips to his in the first kiss of many.

Alright, so one part of my heart would probably be warm, powerful, and furry... Just like Jake.

**Alright... so, this is new. Its just a product of a lot of time and nothing to do. I might not post anything for a couple of days (SCHOOL PREPARATIONS...), but please, enjoy this. **

**Musical Inspiration: Dreaming With A Broken Heart**

**As always, many thanks to an amazing girl: Ocean of Dreams. Thank you. **


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